I’m not going to be deleting this blog, but I’m no longer going to be using it. Same goes for my personal blog.
Sometimes it’s awful how you find out who your true friends are, but it’s nice to know, because someone you thought was your friend could stab you in the back if you aren’t careful. And honestly, I think that’s ridiculous.
Nobody needs negativity like that. So, I’m deleting it from my life, and I’m going to place my life in the hands of the Lord.
Yes, I’m cheating my way through school. But only when I feel like it’s necessary. AKA when I do Pre-Algebra and Chemistry/Physics.
I can’t make myself understand what I am learning, even if someone is teaching it to me. I just don’t understand any of it. I don’t understand algebra, which is why I am in Pre-Algebra instead of Algebra II like I should be. Speaking of not understanding math, I literally cannot multiply 380 x 44 without a calculator. I never learned how. Well, I did, but I never understood.
I just need to get done with 10th grade, I need to get done with school. I need to gradudate so I can get my dream camera. I wish granny wouldn’t have bribed me into doing school again because I have no idea what I am doing, or learning, I have to cheat to make my way through.
It’s just too hard.
I don’t think anyone under-freaking-stands how much I like this guy.
I don’t even think I under-freaking-stand.
I think the thing that people hate about me the most is that when they’re rude, I’m as nice as I could be.
Granny told me today, “If you get back into school and graduate, I will give you the money you need to get that camera you want. But only if you graduate.”
At one point, I feel like it’s a bribe. At another point, I feel like this is the only actual time I’ll be able to get my Canon EOS 40D. My dream camera. I have to do this, but I feel like it isn’t fair. I know it’s going to be physically painful since it hurts me to write (NOT DOING COMPUTER HOMESCHOOLING AGAIN, IF ANYTHING.) but… I need this camera.
And nothing is ever going to change that again.
I just think it would’ve been easier if I wouldn’t have survived the stroke, because then I wouldn’t be suffering with the problems I have right now.
Is there such a thing to not want to die, but not want to live either? I have that.
Everything would be so much easier if I didn’t have to breathe, since my breathing/panic attacks cause all of my problems. …Except for the side effects of the stroke.
I just got the news that Preacher Rippy is dying. When I say dying, I mean grandma calls, and his granddaughter posts on facebook ‘Stay with us, old man. I know you’re really out of it, but we’re too selfish to lose you right now.’
I just sat at the computer screen and stared at the picture she attached with that, of him. Then, something started playing in my iTunes.
I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
I don’t want to lose my second grandpa.
Today, I decided to actually do school. I got on the desktop, pressed the ‘start’ button, and… Where was my SOS Student program? What about the SOS Teacher?
I put in one of the CDs for school and clicked it when it appeared on the computer, and it said ‘You need to install Switched-On Schoolhouse to use this disc.’
Someone deleted my school program. I lost everything. I was more than halfway done, and I lost it.
Speaking of losing it, I actually semi lost my mind. I didn’t know what to do but for some reason I ended up running to a forest in a neighborhood near my house. I probably cried for an hour while I sat on the ground engulfed and silenced by trees.
I couldn’t do it. I can’t start 10th grade all over again. I’m honestly just going to drop out, I think.
"The feelings never went away, did they?"